I've recently let go of a heavy weight pent up on my chest. I opened up and made known a reality of my "perfect little life." In making the decision to write publicly about the lemons we've (M and I) been handed, I hoped to let go of the denial I've had myself in. I thought that actually saying "it" would at least lighten the burden. That, it has. However, I find myself making conversations awkward and I'm not exactly sure how to overcome that.
I mean, "Hello, I'm infertile," can't really sound pretty however you word it. Typically, my response to, "How come no babies?", "So, when are YOU going to have your own?", "Are YOU pregnant yet?", etc. is "It just isn't that easy for some people."
C'mon...if THAT doesn't give "it" away, I don't know what would. The only problem is, how rude does that sound? I mean, I am a say-it-like-it-is type of person. But, I don't want to make people feel sympathetic or awkward in conversation. I suppose it's another "can't win for losing" type deal.
Aside from the awkwardness, I want to spell out my troubles so the light of my experiences can be shed on those in-waiting of these trials. I do believe God knows who's entering into this off-road path of the journey with me and so many others. For whatever reason they may incur these troubles, I want them to know they're not alone.
Yes, there are so many others that I've been told and so many others I don't even know about. Either way, every story can be made different in our minds. Regardless, it all boils down to the same understanding...we're just not getting that bun to start toasting.
NOTE: I simply sit and start writing. There is no brainstorming, just raw thoughts as they unfurl.
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