Connections...

"Genesis 16" (joeltraylor.com)

Little momentos are placed in our life plans each day and, without any rhyme or reason to us, they can often bring great lessons.  Whether it's in something we see, hear, feel, smell, or taste, that lesson can smack us right in the face with no notice whatsoever.  If you've learned anything about me, you may know where I'm headed with this.

But not there.

(hehe!)

The other night I opened my reading passage to discover a portion of the story of Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 16).  I felt a connection to the story as a whole, yet even greater connection to Sarah, for obvious reasons.  I even caught a little reminder of their story from the sermon on Sunday.  I just couldn't put my finger on what I felt toward a connection with Hagar, in this story.

That is, until yesterday.

Now, to back track a bit...

In the living of His plans for me and most recently in mine and M's discoveries of our fertility, or lack thereof, I've toggled with the idea of overstepping my boundaries.  I want to let go and let God more than anything.  I believe I've done a tremendous job of this, although I have my anxieties that set in every so often. 
I want so badly to let these waves of life run their course as I follow God's lead in my life and, more importantly, in M and my desires for parenthood.  It's crazy to me that we've made discoveries about the two of us and yet we're back in the boat we just jumped out of.
So, I do not have PCOS.  I am ovulating regularly.  My progesterone levels are crazy good (equivalent to someone on Clomid, which I did a year ago and haven't for 10 months now and didn't even need to then...so I've since found out).  M even brought fantastic news for us, from his end, on this path!


So, what's the deal?!  Why NOTHING along the path of our increase in family size?


The crazy, yet cool, thing is...
it's in His hands!  I'm not in control.
(Yes, I'm preaching this to myself right now.)

Now, fast forward to yesterday's happenings...
I was catching up on my blog friend, Amy, after receiving a few e-mail updates and not having the time to stop and read.  I sat in awe of her words before me.
I've mentioned before how it seems she writes the words right out of MY brain!  And she SO did yesterday!
I finally understand my connections to Abraham and Sarah and how the situation with Hagar was toiling with my mind.  You see, I'm scared of  pulling a "Hagar" in my life.

I've debated the steps we took to find the answers above for fear I was overstepping.  We've had a few things brought to our attention of next steps and options. But, why do I feel as if I'd be "Hagar-ing" if I followed through?!

I just don't know where the line is and no matter how great my mommy desires are, the last thing I want to do is interfere with God's plan for us, or "pull a Hagar."